A Thousand Memories Baby~
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Oct
20

In the night, why dost I cry?

Withal, I dost not lie.

I bear such sorrow,

I’m afraid it’ll be til morrow.

 

What had become of thy love?

Mere just, I can’t understand Above.

Can’t agree that you’re not with me betimes,

Thou seem giving others the dimes.

 

Shall I be patient they say,

I’m always like the sun in May.

Whence art such madness?

Verily, it is a fruit of sadness.

 

I just wanted for thou to see,

All my love I will give to thee.

 

 

Imaget

 

(My first Shakepeare inspired poem. I just love using archaic words, music to my ears. Well, at least I tried)

 

 

Oct
19
A photo shoot before seeing the cadavers.

Orgchem, please be good to me”    “Tara aral tayo sa Anaphy”

“Ay, may quiz daw?”   “Ang baba naman magbigay!”

Within  five months this year in our university, those were the exact words that repeatedly stir my ears every now and then. But truth be told, I’m more than glad that the first semester is now over and I am halfway finishing the year 2 of my course. I must say that I have been maturing than ever. I’ve learned a lot from my academics that I tend to apply to in helpful ways. I know this much of a cliche but I’m really grateful to my lecturers for they filled me in with great knowledge and such ideas.

Actually, I’ve had this Muslim lecturer in my Sociology and Anthropology class whom I had great admiration (no, definitely not some sort of a crush). She is very smart and has a lot inside of her. She surely is a very effective teacher. And what’s great is that, she is like reaching out to the needy and all that. I always wanted to be in a team like that. And what’s for sure is that I’ll surely miss her, it’s rare to have a professor like her in our course, she’s not just teaching academics, but also touching every student’s heart. For me at least.

All semester long, I’ve been consistent with my studies. I’ve been in good grades. I’ve been accpeted to the Medical University News Organization (I mean, how great was that! :D) My love life, (as I have written months ago was a bit scratched) has been doing great. Kirsten had consistent visits and surprises for me, so love life is not to worry about. BUT (yes, there’s always a BIG but) on the latter part of the sem, it seemed that it was raining stress and pressure all throughout. We had this Choral Recitation that certainly hassled me out. I did organize the event and it was quite tiring but in the end all hard works were paid off. Plus I did have the chance to host the event, which was very exciting for me.

And again, I’m just more than glad that the 1st sem is over.

Well, these are all part of being a student, as my mum always says when I complain about school. I have thought that there are how many more years left for me in school, so why not make the best of it instead. I’ll make it appoint to grab every opportunity in my way.

Better be ready for the next semester. For sure it’ll be more like hell. Talk about Physics.

May
30

You, by the lightIs the greatest find

In a world full of wrong

You’re the thing that’s right

Finally made it through the lonely

To the other side

You set it again, my heart’s in motion

Every word feels like a shooting star

I’m at the edge of my

emotions

Watching the shadows burning in the dark

And I’m in loveAnd I’m terrified

For the first time and the last timeIn my only life
And this could be goodIt’s already better than that

And nothing’s worse

Than knowing you’re holding back
I could be all that you need

If you let me try
You set it again, my heart’s in motion

Every word feels like a shooting star

I’m at the edge of my emotions

Watching the shadows burning in the dark
And I’m in love

And I’m terrified

For the first time and the last time

In my only
I only said it ’cause I mean itI only mean ’cause it’s true

So don’t you doubt what I’ve been dreaming

‘Cause it fills me up and holds me close whenever I’m without you
You set it again, my heart’s in motion

Every word feels like a shooting starI’m at the edge of my emotions

Watching the shadows burning in the dark
And I’m in love

And I’m terrified

For the first time and the last time

In my only…..

May
29

This is probably the most disappointing summer I’ve ever had. Beyond disappointing, I must say. As a matter of fact, way depressing.

To start with, I have lost a father, a loving father and now he has gone to the heavens. For truth’s sake, I haven’t really seen him a lot during the school days, I have spoken to him through text messages and a week-vacation last October. The truth is, I miss him so much. He’s been very good to me, parang ako nga yata ang pinaka gusto sa magkakapatid. But at the end of the day, I have to accept that every human being was just a mold of mud that will eventually go back being mud. Some people might notice that I’m courageous enough to face this situation, I haven’t actually moved on, it’s still in the process.

What’s even more frustrating is that, I’ve been broken hearted, and this time it’s really painful compared to the previous relationships. It feels like I’m going crazy. I AM starting to act crazy… The LAST THING I expected was he lying to me.

It was like he cheated on me (I’m hearing echoes.. he cheated on me, he cheated on me)
It’s not like him to cheat on me *sigh 😦 I’ve been hurt, and still hurting inside. One minute I have forgiven, the next minute it will flash again in my mind then I cry to sleep every night. What’s more pathetic is that I am being so snoopy, suspicious and everything, and I hate it :”( I don’t wanna worry every now and then, quite depressing .

So much of a cliche but I want to die now, I want to make laslas  for me not to feel these anymore. *sigh. I don’t know what else to do. Worry might be my best friend until my last breath.

This is surely the worst summer I’ve ever had………

Lesson learned? 1. Do not be too much of a confident, we don’t know what’s coming. 2. People change. 3. Expect the things you least expected. 4. And lastly, stay away with people with names Rachelle.

Feb
24

Feb
24

I dreamt of him again last night.

The scenes were like real, as in for real. I don’t know what this means but I want it to stop, I don’t want him in my dreams anymore, it’s just so frustrating and stressing. I don’t want to think of him anymore, I am done with him…..

am I?

 

He came back, he wants us again.
We were together again, we were inside the jeepney, I was hugging him, he had his arms behind me. We ate together. We laughed while we walked. And I held his hand in my dream, but then when we were in a place with a lot of people, he suddenly slipped his hands away,which made sad…

 

Yet it was just a dream, a stupid one.

 

The dream made my mind do a lot of thinking this morning. Why did he slipped his hands away? Maybe he was not proud of me? Or he does not want anyone to know that we were together? I have no idea.

 

 

I know that this is NOT so right, I should not be thinking of these things but I wonder if he thinks of me that night. I wonder if I ever crossed his mind. Oh god, I want to know! This is why I want the power to read minds! whew…

If I ever dream of him again, I’ll talk to him, so I guess I’ll have to save some courage starting from now -_____-

 

 

(I know Kirsten will have a read on this, I am sorry. I did not mean any of these to happen. I love you.)

Feb
24

Another week has passed.

It’s not that rough at all in fact, unlike before.
See, I have been quiet the past few days. It’s like I am tired and sick of the happenings everyday, nothing  unusual to look forward to. You wake up early, go to school, talk with friends about same old things, spend allowance for the next day, go home tired. The part I hate most is when I get to spend my allowance for the next day, without noticing it 😐 it’s really frustrating, you know.

And one of the best part of the week was last Wednesday, because I just made another bestfriend… yea, and then the next day, I acted like nothing happened, I did not talk to her much, worse, did not go with her after class, instead I spent my spare time with other two friends. I feel so much guilt, until now, we haven’t had a proper conversation 😦 .
I feel guilt and sadness at the same time for her, because I know how it feels, when someone you are longing to be with is not paying attention to you, to be rejected and to not be appreciated.

I’ll surely make it all up to her.

But above all, I am happy. Happy, because now I have moved on the past. I have managed not to give a shit anymore, to the guy who let me down, (it’s really silly of me to consider him as my true friend, he’s impossible), to my friend, who I consider the most, I’m done with her.

“Take everything as they come, don’t stress..”

Feb
19

Right, I’m now feeling like a school girl on a Sunday, which is really the truth :)) Tomorrow’s Monday again, and I am not yet ready for everything about school. I’m not yet finish doing my damn school works, ugh. Need to type this and print this and answer pages of the book and advance read this, etc, etc, not just so cool for me -____-

So how has been my weekend?
I have been just eating and eating all days. I have planned to watch a movie just this day, too sad I have fallen asleep, which is better because I’m noticing pimples are germinating (did I make it sound disgusting? OK, I think I did). Actually, I am still thinking about what happened last Thursday, I just can’t let it out in my head, you know, I hope this will eventually end torturing me. It’s just too sad.

But, just like one of Taylor’s lyrics, it’s never too late to be brand new. I can always start over to make a new impression on people.

Oh well, I guess I’ll have to compose myself for another hell of a week. Gee, I hope my chemistry lecture professor won’t attend the morning class, I’m sick of him, really, I can’t comprehend to what he is teaching, I’m enjoying the laboratory class more.

Feb
18

I have lots of thoughts in mind now, but I decided to pick this one.

I remember months ago, a friend of mine told me something about gardens, not the usual garden where you grow your plants but the garden which you can plant your ambitions, goals, and desires.Some has found their own kind of garden, just like Taylor, she has found hers, music is her garden, she enjoys what she does now, writing songs about heartbreaks, about letting go and moving on, about life.

I asked my friend, “Paano mo masasabi na nakita mo na ang garden mo?”
You’re on your own garden if you tend to enjoy what you do at the moment, you have no problem, because you are happy and contented.

And after that, I pondered about it, up until now, in fact. Have I found my own garden? Am I on my garden already?

You see, to be a doctor is my dreamest dream ever since I was just in my nursery days.
I know that this is too much of a cliche but I want to help people, I want to cure them,

I want to help those who are sick but don’t have enough money. That’s what I want…
And now to make happen my dream, I enrolled in the college of Medical Technology.
I am few steps away of being a doctor. Four more years and then I can enroll in Medicine.

As time goes by, it’s not that I don’t want to be a doctor anymore, I’m just… getting tired of all these, I’m like, “I don’t think I want this anymore.”
“What if I don’t get to enroll in Medicine, it’s too much costly.” I don’t think I’ll be able to pass all the subjects, just thinking about it, a LOT of chemistry ahead of me, ugh, it’s not so cool, I’d rather have English class the whole time. And now, I’m wanting to be on radio, a disc jock, or a DJ as everyone knows it.
I’m enjoying listening to the radio, I’m enjoying reading books and just discovered I can be a writer because writing caught my interest too. I’m not that so much fluent in speaking but I can manage to be if I really want to. I want people to listen to me too,
I want to make them smile or laugh when they listen.
I find their voices amusing, I find that being a DJ is so cool..

Now I am thinking, is it being a jock or being in the medical field that makes me happy?
Apparently, it’s the DJ thing. But What if it’s just another interest of mine that will just fade away soon? I might regret it. What if not liking my present course is just the effect of the stress and the unlikely environment I’m into now? ohh, I don’t know.
I hope God will give me the power to decide for the right thing and help me find my own garden in the right time and place.

Feb
17

I think if I write what I feel, it’ll be lighter somehow..

Yesterday, I was in school to watch the sports fest up until in the evening. Me and my classmates spent the rest of the evening sitting on our school field until it’s just me and Charmaine. I was happy then because I got to spend a time with her. We walked around the oval just like the old days, we talked, we bought something to eat, and ended up in a serious conversation. When I say it’s serious, it is for real.. It’s a corny and sort of dramatic conversation. We talked about the “thing” and we shared thoughts about each other. And yeah, she told me something that really stroked me. I never thought she felt or still feel that way to me. I wanted to cry that time, but I stopped myself, it’s not like me, to cry and just be pathetic in front of someone else. I wanted to tell her how much hurt I am. I just hope, you know, she would forget it all. It’s torturing me.

 

“Sometimes, the most important thing is getting it off your chest rather than losing sleep over it.”